Friday, October 14, 2011

My War Against Smoking

Danny on Google+

Photo Credit: Vieran2001

Every day I wake up is an endless war waged against smoking. I lose these perpetual battles against myself most of the time. This time around, it has reached a most critical phase in my life. I have to win these small battles or else lose everything.

For those who have following this blog, you know that I've been trying to quit for a very long time. It has been 10 months now since I started this battle and it's not over yet. This campaign against smoking is real. The stakes are higher and the prospects dimmer.

Now, it's about willfully stopping myself from smoking or my body itself stopping me.

I am in that stage when my organs are starting a revolution against my body and my mind.

It's only a matter of weeks or months before that revolution is won.



The Mind is a Curious Thing


Sometimes I feel as if I have two minds. One that knows that I should stop and is noisy about it and the other who keeps silent. The silent mind injects its poison subtly without the knowledge of the former. It works like the CIA. Instigating small pockets of revolt one cell at a time.

Absence is far more difficult to deal with than presence.

With any type of absence there's always that painful longing that keeps the mind aware.



Awareness is Torturous. 

It's like a fragmentation missile that hits you in many places at once. You become aware not only of the things that you need to be aware of, but also of the ones that you have placed at the back of your mind for retrieval.

One day of ceasing, results in this bombardment of the senses. It's like seeing that tsunami of fears, desires, wants and caprices all coming for you.

In your fear, you reach out for something that can soothe this pain inside.

Smoking banishes that tsunami and dissipates that wall of fear in the smoke that one blows out. With this, every thing becomes "ok" in a perverted sense of the word. The mind becomes clouded.